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Extermely stressed and not getting erections during sex.

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Hi, this is a ed related query. I'm at my wits end. I started masturbating when I was 12 years old. I'm 27 now. I had a tight foreskin. So I would masturbate without pulling the foreskin down. After a few years, I developed another technique where I would masturbate without taking my pants off and forcing the penis down which resulted in me masturbating without letting the penis get hard. And this I did for a period of 8-9 years until I was 25.5 years old. I started dating when I was 19 and I wasn't able to have sex. Whenever I tried the foreskin would slip back and it would hurt and I couldn't remain hard. I would watch a lot of porn and masturbate everyday with the same technique and didn't bother changing anything until a year back. Then I tried to retract the foreskin more and stopped masturbating with the pants on. I managed to have sex a few times but it wasn't consistent and I would go through a lot of anxiety and whenever I did I wasn't able to last more than a minute or so. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. I am a successful athlete and have no other health problems. A lot of girls are attracted to me but every time I try having sex, I become extremely stressed and I have a big problem with the erections. I haven't been able to have sex since even though I tried quite a few times with different girls. I have stopped watching porn for the past 1.5 months. But I masturbate 3-4 times a week now though I keep checking my erection from time to time. My foreskin retracts fully now without any pain. I get a satisfactory erection while masturbating but I fear it's not good enough or won't last when I actually get down to sex. Putting on a condom is again another Herculean task for me and it kills the erection. This problem has consumed my life and affecting me very badly everywhere. I'm anxious most of the time and am afraid I'll never have a satisfying sex life and my partner will be affected. Please help

Category: Sexologist

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Thanks for your query at
I have gone through your question in detail and I can understand what you are going through.
Normal sexual cycle involves getting a desire and then an erection then the ejaculation and then loosening of erection. I understand that you had a problem of tight foreskin initially which got rectified with time. Then you had some episodes of early ejaculation which it seems has settled down. I have a couple of queries:
1) AT PRESENT, do you have an early ejaculation or an erection problem. How is your erection before the ejaculation occurs?
2) What are the thoughts that go through your mind while you are having sex?
3) Do you get an early morning erection? How is your erection while you are masturbating?
Do let me know these details.
Kind regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy MD

Patient replied :

thanks for your reply.
1. While having sex I have an erection problem. If me and my partner were just to pleasure each other without having intercourse I have a much harder erection.but the moment I know sex is a possibility I get very worried and invariably struggle having an erection. If I do manage to have sex, the actual intercourse doesn't last for more than 2 mins.
2. Before penetration all I can think of is if I will be able to achieve a strong erection. If I do penetrate then I get less worried but then I find it hard to last long. Though other than my long term girlfriend who I broke up with, I haven't really managed to have sex. I have either chickened out, or have failed miserably with the erection.
3. Earlier I wouldn't get an early morning erection much. Since I've reduced my masturbastion , I do occasionally get an erection sometime during the night. I don't know if it's cos I think something or just a natural thing. While masturbation the erection is quite strong. But constant stimulation is necessary. If I stop stimulating myself physically then I start focussing on the erection and lose it quickly. I have tried putting on a condom during masturbation. The erection drops a bit when I do that.
I am a very fit athlete otherwise. Do not smoke. Drink occasionally. I do worry a lot in general. Has my wrong masturbation technique of the past affected me? Or is it just psychological. I have read somewhere that I need to abstain from masturbastion and porn for 90 days to reboot. I am extremely confused and frustrated. This problem has consumed me. Please help.

Thanks for the follow-up information.
The problem of erection that you are having is probably due to psychological reasons. The fact that you are able to achieve an erection on and off suggests that there is nothing wrong with your penis. Probably its that you are afraid of premature ejaculation that you are loosing the erection. Manytimes when we correct the premature ejaculation , the problem of erection may settle down.
Now its a type of anxiety disorder and the person normally suffers from performance anxiety where in he is anxious if he can perform or not.
First you can try the start stop technique. Your wife is supposed to start stimulating you and the moment you are about to ejaculated she is supposed to stop all the stimulaton and and hold your penis head hard. Now this should be repeated.
Perineal exercises also help. These are the muscle exercises that occur when you contract the perineal muscles like when you are trying to stop the urine or feces. You have to do this contrations repeatedly daily to tone up the perineal muscles.
One solution is medications. Some patients are not willing to wait for these acts to produce results and instead demand medicines. I prescribe them 12.5 mg paroxetine at night and they are doing good. Normally one should try until 25mg of Paroxetine. If paroxetine is not effective then Dapoxetine is an option. It has to be given 1 hour before having sex and will prolong the sexual interval.
There is no sureshot immediate cure but with time this problem settles down.
Hope this helps,

Patient replied :

thank you for your reply. However, I seem to have more of a worry getting an erection. I wouldn't want to go for medications just yet. I would like to consult somebody and meet them to get everything checked and explain all the problems personally. Could you please suggest some good doctor or sexologist based in mumbai. I would like to meet him/her. Awaiting your reply. Thanks

If you need quality sex therapy without medicines then you may meet:
Dr. Mahinder C. Watsa
Chief Consultant
Medikon Sexual Sciences
Sunder House, Top Floor, Opp. Park Club
10, Shivaji Park, Mumbai 400028, India

Dr. Srikanth Reddy
Category: Sexologist
Doctor of Medicine (MD), Psychiatry Residency Program,2001 – 2012
M.B.B.S,Mahatma Gandhi Institute Of Medical Sciences, Sevagram

Certificate Course in sex Therapy and Counselling, Sexology and Counselling, A
Sexology,Medikon Sexual Sciences, Mumbai

Training in Advanced Neurology at a leading corporate hospital (CARE hospital) in Hyderabad

Child Psychiatry Training in National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro-Sciences, Bangalore

Sex Therapy and Counsellingat MEDIKON Sexual Sciences, Mumbai.
Dr. Srikanth Reddy and 4 other Medical Specialists are ready to help you

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