Hello,
Thanks for posting your query at DoctorSpring.com
I have gone through your question in detail and I can understand what you are going through.
I disagree with your behavior. Breast feeding is a natural way of providing nutrition to a child who cannot eat the normal food which we all eat. However they are also the sex organs and have attached sexual component as well. The fact that a 12 year old is finding pleasure in sucking your breasts suggests that he is sexually attracted towards you and this should be discontinued as soon as possible.
He is 12 year old and may not be aware of the concept of sexuality but its his sexual instinct that his making him do the act. This should be discouraged and you should speak to him about this and make him not do that.
You can gain is affection by many different means by getting involved with him in creative activities like dancing, painting or some hobby. This way he will get the needed attention. I would suggest that you even discuss this issue with your husband.
Kind regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy
Patient replied :
Really thank you for replying me.
I many times tried to tell my step son that milk is for baby and not for him but he never listen to me. Whenever I start feeding my baby he comes to me with an innocent face asking for milk. I don't like to scold him so I breastfeed him along with the baby daily. I have been feeding him since two weeks now. Pls tell me how can I ask him to stop asking me for milk without hurting him in detail?
My other question is that whether it has any problem on my body? My step son usually bite my nipples while sucking but when milk is almost coming to end then he bites hard so it pains me lot but I control it for him.once blood dropped. Is it common during breastfeeding?
I know my step son is just 12 yrs old but I sometimes feel that he is sexually interested in me. Before I feed him he asks me whether he only can open my blouse button and he wants me to change my dress in front of him but when I day no he starts to cry and so I change in front of him only now. From last few days he is sleeping with me only and he won't sleep without me feeding him at night before sleep. I sometimes feels that he gets erection but I am not sure whether it true or false but I just felt it once mistakenly.
I know I am asking you lot and lot question but I feel embarrassed to ask you such things in person. I never shared this matter with anyone not even my mom . I trust you so I am asking you.Pls help me by answering this question .
Now my step son is close with me and calls me mom. I love him lot and want him to love him too. I want my step son to continue with me like this only calling me mom and loving me.
I don't want to scold him or hurt him. I can do anything for him but I don't want him to spoil because of me.
I have no problem in feeding him. I am even taking supplements to increase my milk production now. But I want him to trust me as his mom and love me. That's it.
Pls answer all my question in detail . Pls help me. I can't share this matter to anyone so asking you pls help me doctor.
Again I won't trouble you so pls answer this in detail as to what I should do, how to do and when to do without losing my love from my step son.I am ready to do anythin.
I feel that if I force him to stop sucking me means he 'll again lose love on me. So tell me pls what to do.
Kindly reply this one in detail.
Hello,
I have gone through your entire query and I completely understand the dillema you're going through.
See he is only 12, and lacks a sense of healthy judgment.
Plus his age also makes him curious and be interested about the female body, and breasts.
In my opinion, you have to talk to him, telling him that this can't continue because it is not healthy for your relationship. It is nothing going to cause any harm physically, but if he starts biting nipple more frequently it is going to cause infection, and the risk of infections will be there.
You seriously can't let him continue. If he really loves you, then over time he will realise what he did was wrong and it had to be stopped.
He's being childish and you can't support his activities.
In case he is too adamant then you got to inform your husband.
I know it sounds very difficult and the scare of him getting away from you is there, but for the time being this is the best step forward.
Kind regards,
Dr. Reddy
Patient replied :
Yes I accept that I am doing wrong but I am not understanding how to stop it.
yesterday night I didn't allow him to drink so he started to cry lot but I ignored later he slept crying only on bed. Then at morning he asked again again I refused but he started to cry lot and started telling that I am not like his real mom and I am bad etc etc. He was not ready to go to school and was crying lot.
later I told him that I would feed him after he came to school and convinced him by promising him etc etc so he went to school now.
Now he has gone to school and I am not knowing what to do when he come from school.
I didn't wanted to tell this but I feel that I need to tell it .last week I had been to pediatric doctor in Bangalore asking about this matter for which he told that it fine to feed my step son along with my baby. He said that my step son wants to be par with my baby and so asking my milk. I thought he was right and so continued feeding him. He even praised me for feeding step son so I continued feeding him as i didn't understood the later consequence..
My mom is diabetic and her health condition is not good so I can't ask her to come to my home. I need to solve my situation myself .
I feel that I need to stop feeding like weaning the baby. Can it work?
I 'll decrease the number of times I am feeding him and gradually stop him. Will that work? Do you have any suggestions about it?
I think if I stop suddenly then he 'll do something so tell me what can I do?
Suggest me some way by which he 'll stop asking me for milk like any different breastfeeding style etc etc
Last question do you feel that I need to undergo counseling with any psychiatric doctor?
Pls explain in detail
Thank you
Hello,
I am sorry that your doctor had advised you to do so. But as a psychiatrist and sexologist, I still persist with my thoughts that this should be stopped.
You need to be firm in certain contexts and this is one such. Seek some help with your husband as well. While your elder son is dealing with his hatred feelings, involve him with his other friends and get him to do some creative activity like going out, going to some birthday party or get to gether. You can make his schedule busy by making him join some hobby clases.
Also if the problem still persists, then you may seek help from a child psychologist who can do some face to face sessions with your elder son.
Hope this helps,
Patient replied :
Hello,
I am sorry that your doctor had advised you to do so. But as a psychiatrist and sexologist, I still persist with my thoughts that this should be stopped.
You need to be firm in certain contexts and this is one such. Seek some help with your husband as well. While your elder son is dealing with his hatred feelings, involve him with his other friends and get him to do some creative activity like going out, going to some birthday party or get to gether. You can make his schedule busy by making him join some hobby clases.
Also if the problem still persists, then you may seek help from a child psychologist who can do some face to face sessions with your elder son.
Hope this helps,
Regards.