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Chronic Depression.

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Please read this all the way through….

I am a 57 year old male. I have been dealing with anxiety and depression my entire adult life. Panick attacks started in 2007. Finally in 2009 on the way to work one morning I had the final panic attack, nervous breakdown whatever. From then on each day was hell. After a year of this I was to the point of waking in the morning already sobbing. On the way to the kitchen for coffee I would be so upset I would be gagging. All through the day it would be like this. It ended when I went to bed for the night—totally exhausted. On nights I couldn’t sleep, well I don’t like to think about it. I have seen shrinks and counselors and groups etc. I have been prescribed all sorts of anti this and anti that. I was either totally miserable, sick, or both—no quality of life at all—I was just existing and just trying to hold on. I have a wife and two children—I could not leave them. I’m not suicidal and have never been—although I don’t know if that would have changed without the course I took to stop this hell I was in.

I had broken my foot. The doctor gave me pain killers. They were Percocet 10/325. Yes, they helped greatly with the physical pain. But I noticed that I could do things, things I hadn’t done or even wanted to do in years. No breakdowns, I could read a book, socialize—I didn’t feel high or euphoric, I just felt--I JUST FELT NORMAL. When the pills ran out I went back to the life of hell. A relative of mine always has this stuff. Occasionally I would get 2 or three. I’d break them in half, and take one in the morning, late afternoon and evening—and I was normal again. In May of 2011 I made a conscious decision to starting buying the 10/325 perks on the street or anywhere else I could get them. I wasn’t desperate—if I could find them GREAT, if not I’d just live in hell until some came along. Since that decision, I have mentally been pretty stable for the first time in many, many years. I don’t do them to get high or party—they don’t make me high, they just let me feel normal. I can go through the day without pending doom waiting for me around every corner. I can enjoy my family. I can live. To this day I strictly regiment the dosage to no more than two a day, usually a half (5mg) in the morning, half in the late noon, half in the evening and at times a half before bed.

My question is—is it so bad for me to be doing this? I can be in hell, or I can break a little white pill in half and take it, and live and be active and not suffer through mental torture (and I mean pure mental torture) daily.

They are very expensive on the street. I need help. I am terrified to go back to that life.

Please reply to this.

Category: Family Physician-GP

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Category: HIV- AIDS Specialist
 28 Doctors Online


Thank you for choosing DoctorSpring.

Technically I am supposed to say you that Oxycodone also causes psychological and physical dependence on prolonged use and can cause side effects. Percocet contains acetaminophen and oxycodone.

BUT at the same time I cannot ignore the marked improvement in your quality of life. Here are my thoughts regarding this.

1. Percocet is a combination drug. There is no reason you need to take acetaminophen with it. Acetaminophen itself can cause unwanted side effects

2. Since you are responding to Percocet it means that your symptoms are amenable to drug therapy. There are better suited drugs for this purpose, with less side effects. The problem with Oxycodone is that you become depended on this and eventually you will develop tolerance (same dose won't be effective). So the best option would be (in a long term view) to work with a Psychiatrist and start a medication like SSRI. This is not any easy task, a lot of trial and error might be required. But overall this approach is better.

3. To answer your question - Is it bad for you to do this ? Yes it is bad and it can lead to dependence. But mostly it won't kill you. Since this is illegal I will not recommend it. But in the end this is a personal decision you are making. So you need to weight the risk and benefit.

This should be a wake up call for you to realise medications can be effective if chosen well. Consider consulting a Psychiatrist.

Hope this helps
Feel free to ask followups
Thank you

Dr. Jaydeep Tripathy
Category: HIV- AIDS Specialist
MBBS from Sri Ramachandra University in December 2011
M.Med (Family Medicine) - TNMGR University, Chennai
MBA-MPH in Public Health in March 2016, SRM University
Finished AFIH in March 2016, SRM University
MRCP ( UK ), Internal Medicine, Royal College of Physicians, June 2016
Fellowship in Diabetology from Martin Luther University in January 2017

Currently Resident Physician, in MD Radiodiagnosis - Kamakshi Memorial Hospital, Chennai
Dr. Jaydeep Tripathy and 4 other Medical Specialists are ready to help you

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