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Addicted to porn since wife is not interested in sex.

Resolved Question:

Dear Doctor,
My name is Jayamohan, I am 35 year old male got married 7 years ago.

Its love come arrange marriage. My wife was working with me in same office and she is of same age.

She is kind of girl, she wants to keep everything perfect and no one point out tell her anything. She will work hard for this always.

We were in love while at office and she use to get me dress watch etc, even I say no also with force she use to get me many dresses and watch etc, saying my dress sense is not gud ... She use to refuse to take anything from me saying she can't take anything to home.

When I informed my parents for marriage initially they agreed for my compulsion. Later when they saw astro they refused for marriage saying the astro not matching as it says no kid and astro says she is likely to be widow.But I stood for marriage and later they agreed with lot of compulsions from my side.

After marriage, our sexual life was not so good, she is not that interested in sex. Even she don't had that much knowledge in sex. She was thinking like if male and female kiss the female gets conceived. I had lot of difficulty in explaining about intercourse and had sex with her.
The reason for she is like this, might be becaz she was brought up by widow mom and not been mingled with relatives and outside world much. Till today she will be like dead wood and keep saying finish it fast during our intimacy.

After marriage there were continuous quarrel between my mom and my wife started. Every time for any quarrel my mom says, see what kind of girl u got and wife says, I only proposed her so I should stand for her always. My mom is a Parkinson patient and she use to struggle with depression so I can't blame her or my wife for anything and I use to struggle in betn them.

When day passes my parents moved to native and myself and wife moved near my mother in law house.
One of the reasons for moving near MIL place was, the company we work, we were not getting continuous pay and she told we will get help from her mom if we were nearby.

Till now she use to get many dresses for me on my birthday but she refuse to accept if I get anything for her. Says she wants to be independent and she not wish to take anything from me becaz I didn't covered her from my mom those days.

Now a day we were fighting very frequently for petty issues also and with quarrel all the old issues from day one popping up. At end of fight she goes and locks room says she will commit suicide. At times she says she wants to divorce me and lead her life independently, saying I am not perfect like her.

The relationship is going bad day by day, and I am not able to concentrate on my career and life anything. Now my mom is in advance parkinson stage and I left her in my brothers home and avoiding to get her home,becaz if my parents come then all the issues popping up again and same quarrel betn us.
On top of all there is no kid for us till now. she got tb before marriage and one of her tube blocked. We went for treatment for 2 years with no success. She got fear for medical treatment and injections so could not continue treatment any further.

My wife says my mom cursed of no child before marriage that's why no kid till now. Now she fears some thing may happen to me becaz astro says she will become widow. She started over protecting me like food with less salts, she force me to do exercise everyday, if I fail then she breaks totally. I am unable to see her struggle like this.

She is struggling with Psychogenic movement disorder also now.(attached Doctors letter) When I asked her, let us go to psychiatrist, she says she is not mad and the people around her only made her like this. So the people around her only should go for treatment.

Normally as day passes the bad things will fade from memory but in my wife case she is still fresh in day one problems.

I am in a fix now, I am finding difficult to continue this life becaz of continuous problem. At the same time I can't leave her becaz she will be left alone if I leave her.

Now a days normally my nights are getting sleepless becaz I started starving for sex. The life is getting worst day by day. I started masturbation and developing addiction to porn now a days. Life getting miserable day by day for me and started feeling lonely now a days.

I think she also feels the same.

I stared developing depression now a days and at times I feel like running away from home.

My mother in law also supports for all the things what she does. Refer the attached letter which my mother in law forced me to write a letter when myself and my wife had quarrel last time.

Request you to guide me how can I overcome from current scenario and lead peaceful and happy life with her.

Sorry for this long letter...

Regards
Jayamohan.M


Category: Psychiatrist

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Category: Sexologist
Dr. Srikanth Reddy is online now

Expert:  Dr. Srikanth Reddy replied 4 Days.

Hello,
Thanks for posting your query at DoctorSpring.com
I have gone through your question in detail and I can understand what you are going through.
You are definitely caught between the relationships and there is no way you can pacify both your wife and your mother. It would be wise to continue to stay separately and meet your mother as and when possible. You and your wife should consider meeting a marriage counselor and get the counselling done. This may involve some 8-10 face to face sessions and this will aim to improve the marital relationship between you and your wife. Further from what you have stated it is quite clear that you are having a depressive episode. Depression can occur with regular stress and it can also occur biologically without any stress as well. You need proper treatment for the same. There are various effective therapies for depression like fluoxetine, venlafaxine, bupropion, mirtazapine or escitalopram and they are all very effective and mostly safe. You may also require some benzodiazepines like clonazepam or lorazepam for a short period like 2-3 weeks to reduce the anxiety and help with your sleep.
If you are averse to the drug therapies then there is also an option of cognitive behavioural therapy. This therapy is taken by either a psychologist or a psychiatrist in which the therapist identifies impaired cognitions (Thoughts) and try to correct them. They are 15-20 min weekly session and there should be around 8-10 sessions to help you with your illness.
Hope this helps,
In case if you have any further query, do let me know.
Kind regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy


Patient replied :

Dear Doctor,
Thank you very much for your feedback.
One thing I forgot to mention you is myself and my wife work in same office and she is office manager and myself as R&D engineer. My boss sits at Dubai and all the other employee left the organization long back due salary and other issues. Since the business is not so good and only few small projects required for Dubai that too rarely, there is no new staff appointed.
Now my wife made me to sit at home and not letting me to go anywhere. We will be online on office hours, so my boss thinks we are at office only.
Whenever required she alone go to office and I become like house arrested. The only way to explore to outside world is via internet. Even for purchase of groceries etc also she only get it done.
With current situation, it’s difficult for me to have sittings with psychiatrist. I need to help myself to come out and help my wife also to be alright.
The only way I can see to come out of this situation is, somehow I need to get another job.
But I am unable to prepare for any interview also due to the depression and anxiety.
Request you to kindly suggest dosage of mediation with fewer side effects so that I will take it along with regular exercise to improve from my depressions.
Also it’s difficult to make my wife and mother in law understand about marriage counselor. As they feel family issues should not be discussed with 3rd person.
I will try to rectify the situation myself, once I myself out from the current situation.
Regarding tablet kindly suggest with dosage/timing details along with duration it needs to be taken please.

Thanks & Regards
Jayamohan.M


Expert:  Dr. Srikanth Reddy replied 3 Days.

Hello
I agree that your depression has to be taken care of at first. However at Doctor Spring, its an online consultation forum and legally we are not supposed to prescribe your medicines without physically examining you. This rule is meant for the safety of the patient and the doctor. Sincere apologies for the same.
Normally when such a patient comes to my clinic, I prescribe him Tab Nexito 10mg to be taken at night after dinner daily for 2 weeks and then reassess him after 2 weeks to look for the improvement.
Kind regards


Dr. Srikanth Reddy
Category: Sexologist
Experience: 
Doctor of Medicine (MD), Psychiatry Residency Program,2001 – 2012
M.B.B.S,Mahatma Gandhi Institute Of Medical Sciences, Sevagram

Certificate Course in sex Therapy and Counselling, Sexology and Counselling, A
Sexology,Medikon Sexual Sciences, Mumbai

Training in Advanced Neurology at a leading corporate hospital (CARE hospital) in Hyderabad

Child Psychiatry Training in National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro-Sciences, Bangalore

Sex Therapy and Counsellingat MEDIKON Sexual Sciences, Mumbai.
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